Thankful for five

I had a total meltdown today. Last night, when we hadn’t even gotten a phone call from social services about Anna (court was yesterday), we knew we weren’t getting her. But it wasn’t until noon today that I finally got a hold of the social worker. She was very non-chalant about that whole thing, which I think just made it worse. She said the parents admitted to not providing adequate housing for Anna, but that they want to get her back. They did show up for the last 2 visits and passed a drug screen. The dad has a part time job. They told the judge they wanted to move to SANFORD because jobs were better there. Pile that on top of everything. Because of all that, Anna has to stay in foster care and see if the parents follow through. The next court date is in 90 days.
I was at work, so of course I had to hold it together. Then I went to pick up the boys, and I had to hold it together. I was holding back tears all day. When I got to the daycare, one of the teachers walked up to the car and said “oh you’re in for it today”…meaning Nathanael had one of his behaviorally challenged days. Then the fire alarm goes off. All the kids pile outside and the director said she was at her whits end at trying to control his rage, so she pulled the alarm, knowing Nathanael is scared to death of it. It calmed him down all right, till he saw me glaring down at him. Needless to say, we are also at a loss as to what to do with him. What sets him off? He goes from precious to pain in the butt in 0.2 seconds. Needless to say, I lost it in the car. I knew Ken was out doing a side job, so I just drove over to my in-laws to see if they could watch the boys for a few minutes while I sulked in my own patheticness. I know there are people who don’t have any children and would be so thankful for any kids…and I AM SOOO thankful for the boys. Even Nathanael on his bad days. My life has changed in so many ways and they bring so much to my life. I guess it’s the having your hopes up for another baby and then not getting her that’s so hard.

Evenings at the Moss household

My Boyz....Fun with Hats...

Turns Dance Party...

Where did Nathanael learn that move?!

Long Day

I have to say, this has been one of those days with a 3, 2 and 1 year old. James and Nathanael fought all day today, they simply could not share, could not play together...it was an exhausting day of enforcing turn-taking, 'organizing' playtime, go to your room to calm down, etc, etc...and on top of all that, little Cooper is teething like crazy. Fussy, crying, drooling, just pitiful. But dispite it all, at the end of the day when I put James and Nathanael to bed...we had our regular routine, and I lay down with each of them for about 5 or 10 minutes. Even though I felt like Ken and I had been fussing the boys out all day, James still wanted me to sing to him - Amazing Grace, the Good Night song, Jesus Loves Me, the pancake song, the sausage song, etc... And Nathanael babbled his random assortment of thoughts that only a mommy could understand. (How could a space ship, a man that fell off a ladder, a brain, fire ants and a monster all make sense in one story?) It was awfully sweet. Now they are asleep and it will start all over again tomorrow.

"Moss, Party of Six"

So, we've decided to jump on in! The tentative plan is that Anna will come to our home in mid-December. Right now, she is with a foster family in Cumberland County that fosters infants until they find a placement. Ken and I wanted to wait until after the first court date to make a decision (wanted to make sure the court wasn't going to give anna right back). The parents did not show up for court, or have they shown up for a visit with her in the last 3 weeks. The first trial date is November 24th, where Social Services will switch Anna's placement to be with us, since we have the siblings. That's the time the parents will get their 'to do' list to regain visitiations with her. So...we have a long process in front of us. Of course, once we get her, we'll want to keep her, and I hope it all works out for the best. We've talked to the boys about it a little bit...I asked James and Nathanael how they would feel about another baby in the house, and James said "2 babies...?" Anna is only 11 months younger than Cooper, so yes, 2 babies. She will be 6 months on December 16th and Cooper will turn 17 months on December 14th. I don't know if we'll have to call her Anna (probably) or if we can go ahead and call her by a name of our choosing (which will be Katie Ann once we do get to choose!)... short for Katherine Ann. This is my Muzzy's name, exect with a K for my aunt Kathy. Also, my mom's name is Ann. If it were up to James and Nate, they want to call her Sally...well, the girl car in the Lighting McQueen movie is Sally, so why wouldn't they choose that name. It's hilarious bc that was my favorite name when I was little! i had a pet guinea pig that I named Sally after my cousin who I thought was SO cool.

I hadn't blogged about it yet, because I still felt a little unsure that this was all going to happen, but I talked to our social worker yesterday, and she is coming out to re-license our home for 4 children, and she said there is no way we won't get her since we have the siblings. I believe her words were "oh yeah, you'll get that baby. NC wants siblings together, that judge will be giving her to you." So, that made me feel better. Anna's social worker is, thank God, the same foster worker that the boys had. She said just to hold off on buying anything pink until the Nov 24th court date...that is SO hard to do!!!